you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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