I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize