I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
