I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why do cheetos always look like penises
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
