I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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