it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
