Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
