she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
