I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize