I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
