I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
