it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
