anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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