i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
