Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
