I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
