you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize