She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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