I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
