I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
