I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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