Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
