I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
