So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
