wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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