It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
