bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
