Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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