I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
