god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
