Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(786): View more from Florida

if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass

(352): View more from Florida

godspeed.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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(714): View more from California

Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.

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(904): View more from Florida

Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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(352): View more from Florida

Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.

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(406): View more from Montana

You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.

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(512): View more from Texas

I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.

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(214): View more from Texas

I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.

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