he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
