k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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