Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
