Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
