MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never joke about your clitoris.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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