Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
