Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
