Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
