OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
