I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
