Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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