I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize