YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
