just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
