Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
