I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
