Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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