I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
