I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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