hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize