i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
