if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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