I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
