I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
