Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
