I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
