I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
