My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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