I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
