why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
