R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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