bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
